


I'm So Tired

by eugenes



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Fix-It, M/M, Making Up, Post s15e25, Season Finale, Spoilers, nico is a big cuddly baby deep down!!!, nico opens up to levi, they cuddle and talk, wish this was more canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-06 15:39:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18854029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eugenes/pseuds/eugenes
Summary: Nico finally realizes he needs to talk to Levi, he can't lose him. They talk and end up cuddling.





	I'm So Tired

**Author's Note:**

> bruh this is all over the place and short but i love nico soooo much i just wanna see him be soft i know hes in there but we cant see it on the show >:( again i know this is messy but i hope u all like it!!

Nico felt like an asshole. 

I mean, he  _ was _ being an asshole. He couldn't help it. He hates opening up and feeling vulnerable. He knew that it was stupid, and showing weakness is a sign of strength, but it was so hard for the man.

He absolutely hated how he treated the person he cared about most like that. He hated how much he loved him, he hated how much Levi cared for him. He hated how the younger still looked out for Nico, despite him being treated how he was.

Nico felt as if he didn't deserve Levi. He definitely didn’t deserve the younger. He didn't deserve to be treated with such love, to be as loved as Levi loved him. Nico was being such a dick to the person he loves the most, he hated himself for it.

Nico couldn't do anything except think about all that has happened. He killed a patient. In front of Levi, his friends, his boss. He felt this deep ache in his chest and god, did he want the world to swallow him whole.

He thought about the job interview he did, how it went well. He knew that it was his dream job, but he didn't want to leave Levi. He couldn't leave him. Levi became his home away from home, he can’t leave.

When he had found out Levi was getting him flowers, he wanted to cry. He hasn't had anyone who loved him as much as Levi did. All he wanted to do was cry and cry until no tears were left.

Right now, however, he couldn't. Due to the fog and weather, the ER was apparently packed, and it was all hands on deck. He really hopes Levi wasn't involved. 

He’s had this terrible feeling all day and now night. He couldn't put his finger on it, but now that he didn't know if Levi was okay or not, he figured it out.

Nico was scared of losing Levi.

He can’t lose him. He just can't. Especially how his last words to his love would be such vile words, words he wish he could take back, words that he knew hurt Levi yet the younger forgave him before he could give an apology.

Nico  _ needed _ Levi. He’s grown so in love, so attached to him, he needed him. He hated how attached to him he got, he hated it. He knew he would possibly end up hurt, but he also knows Levi is an absolute sweetheart and wouldn't hurt him. 

He was aware he was snapping and acting bitchy towards others, he couldn't find himself to care right now. He needed Levi. He needed to make things as right as he could. He was at his breaking point.

Link had noticed he was in a slump, being bitchy and overall being someone he wasn't. He told him he was going to help, but if Nico didn't take it, he wasn't going to defend him anymore.

Nico was put on the case of the non-binary patient’s mother. All he could do was stare blankly at the scene. He felt bitter and anger at all of the happiness that filled the room. He was witnessing a miracle and he was jealous at their happiness because he was unhappy in himself? Pathetic.

He walked out of the room and sighed to himself. He really hated himself and the universe at the moment. He wanted Levi. He needed him, he was his anchor.

He deeply regrets the words said to the younger. God, Levi was  _ far _ from a failure. He’s learned so much from Levi just in the past couple of months. He honestly admired Levi, but he wasn't sure he’d say that aloud.

He misses Levi. He misses hearing his voice as he got excited, he missed his cuddles, he missed him. So, so much. 

Nico went outside to get fresh air, and he swears he thought he was dreaming when he saw his boyfriend at the coffee stand. He quickly went over.

“I miss you.” Was the first thing he said. Levi gave him a look. He felt his heart break a little. He just wants to kiss Levi and make it all okay, he wanted to cuddle up to the younger and let him hold him for the night.

“I just had the worst day ever.” Levi said, sipping on his coffee. “And I get I’m annoying sometimes.” Levi rambled. He hated hearing Levi talk himself down like this. He needed to make things right, this was his shot to do so.

“Look.” He said, pulling Levi aside. He stared at Levi. He noticed Levi’s dark circles, and he was sure he looked worse than the shorter man. Said man looked up at him and sighed.

“No, you look. I know you’re going through a tough time, I know that I’m annoying at times. I know that I care a lot for people. I save patients, I give dying children blood. I also know I deserve better than you’ve been giving me.” Levi said, watching as hurt flashed in Nico’s eyes.

“I know. I know you deserve better, I just…” He trailed off. He felt like he was going to cry, and he was  _ not _ going to cry. Levi just looked at him.

“I don’t know. I get jealous.” Nico said. It was the truth. Levi looked at him and laughed a little. “Jealous? Of what?” The smaller was so confused to how someone could be jealous of him.

“I don't find you annoying. Quite frankly, I find you admirable, adorable. I get jealous because you’re so good at being nice and saving people. I was jealous at how I watched a miracle and I was feeling anger. I’ve been angry at myself for some time, now. I killed a patient, I’m angry with myself about it. I failed, Levi. I also mistreated you, and I’m sorry. I just want to feel better. I want to make things better.”

When Nico finished talking, he saw Levi teared up. He hopes he’s starting to make things better, he can’t have Levi leave. Especially on this note. Then, he saw Levi smile.

“Well, I can help with that.” Nico smiled back when he heard those words. Things weren't fixed quite yet, but they’re getting somewhere. “C’mon, follow me.”

Levi lead him to an on-call room. He locked the door, and Nico looked confused. “We’re not having sex. I wanna talk, okay?” Levi said gently.

Nico felt himself tearing up. He couldn't hold himself together much longer. Levi is always so gentle and caring, despite Nico not deserving any of it. Levi’s eyes widened when Nico wiped away his tears.

“Sorry, I just. I love you so much. I don’t deserve you.” Nico mumbled. Levi smiled and walked over, sitting next to him on the bed. “Don’t hate against yourself. You don't deserve that. We will be okay. Open up to me. You’re safe with me. If you don't trust me enough yet, I understand. I know you’re hurting, but I hate that you’re hurting yourself and others in the process. Talk to me.”

When Levi said those words, he broke. He was scared and vulnerable as he opened up. He wanted to run away, honestly. He’s never opened up this much to anyone before, especially this early on in the relationship. Levi held onto his hand and rubbed his back as he sobbed.

Nico felt weak, but he was definitely far from weak. Levi felt that Nico was growing stronger to trust Levi enough to cry and open up in front of him. He knows it was harder for the older, to open up as he did.

Nico was now laying on Levi’s chest, listening to his heartbeat and soft breaths. Levi had calmed him down and reassured him. They were okay now. They talked and Nico let himself be vulnerable. Nico was still scared of Levi leaving, though. He felt like he was so much of a dick and weak that Levi didn't want to be with him anymore. It was irrational, but Levi understood

“Baby, I’m not going anywhere. I love you too much to do that. You’re human, Nico. Let yourself be human. Take care of yourself and let me help. It’s what I’m here for.” Levi said softly, running his hand through Nico’s hair as the older laid on his chest.

“Just hold me right now.” Nico mumbled, making Levi chuckle. “Okay. But I’m very proud of you for opening up to me. You’re strong, Nico. And far from the vile images people view you as. You’re basically a big puppy, deep down.” Levi giggled to himself.

“I’m not even gonna ask.” Nico mumbled. He knew Levi would explain what he meant by that, but for now, he didn't care. He felt calmer and calmer as Levi talked to him and played with his hair. He also felt sleepy and Levi noticed

“Are you tired?” He asked, and Nico shook his head. Levi smiled. “I think otherwise, love. Let’s sleep, okay? We can nap and then I’ll take you to my place like we discussed. Let’s just lay here.”

“Your voice puts me at ease.” Nico confessed, half asleep at this point. “I love your voice. It’s so, gentle. And charming. And cute.” He continued to mumble. Levi loved this side of Nico. He rarely showed it, which was why Levi loved it so much. He adored when Nico was sleepy and cuddly. 

“Thank you.” Levi giggled. “How about you just fall asleep, okay? I’m staying here and I’m not leaving anytime soon.” 

Nico wanted to argue and say he wasn't tired, but he didn't have the energy to. He  _ was _ tired. He just wanted to sleep in his boyfriend’s soft and cozy embrace.

“Love you. Thank you for bein’ the best boyfriend ever.” Nico mumbled before he finally fell asleep. His mouth opened a bit, and Levi smiled as the other began to drool onto his scrubs.

“I love you too, you big baby.” Levi kissed Nico’s hair before falling asleep himself. 


End file.
